Tomorrow I’ll be working through a long overdue upgrade of homeschool journal. Andrea & I have a long list of tweaks & changes that we want to make. My goal is to work through most of those over the month of July. I think we are finally catching up though.

Seems I’m swinging by for my monthly blog post. One of the things I’ve been working on over the last few months is moving our web sites from the VPS we have had for the last few years to a dedicated server. Between the two, we are spending a couple hundred a month and I’m looking forward to eliminating one of them. Server Beach comes highly recommended for dedicated web servers. If you are in the market for one, I have a coupon code which will give you a break on your hosting bill.

A few weeks ago I put my name in to be featured as SB’s geek of the week. I got the message through twitter this morning that I was being featured this week.

About a week ago both Andrea & I were nominated to the WP Rockstar Showcase. We have been sitting in our current position of being on both the highest list and most rated list for the last few days. We wouldn’t object to you stopping by and giving us a boost tho’

I have also been sharing the writing with Andrea over on the WPMU Tutorials blog which is definitely one of the reasons I’ve been writing less here.

I’m not expecting to be less busy over the next few months. But, Andrea & I are considering a westward bound weekend trip in July. We just have to firm a few things up before we say too much about it.

Earlier this week, someone sent me a link to a blog post that reminded me of the week of seminars that I referred to here. In thinking about the blog post, I remembered attending the keynote address that kicked off the week. The keynote address was given by the president of the Canadian division of what was the second largest computer company in the world at that time.

The keynote address was primarily about the future of computing and the strategy that the company was taking (and going to take) to meet that future. The future of computing that he described (nearly 20 years ago) has held true. Only a few years after that keynote address the same company began selling off its patented technologies to pay its debts. Less than 8 years after the keynote, the company’s remaining assets were sold to a competitor.

There is something to be learned in that. Having a good sense of what the future holds is not a guarantee against making the wrong decisions. It happens to folks who are leading their industry not only commercially but in innovation and have huge financial resources.

I’m saying this without meaning any disrespect to the gent who wrote this post which talks about making something future proof. If someone tries to tell you that they have future proofed something, you are hearing the voice of inexperience.

One of the quotes in my post that I linked to above was “The real world is a special case.” Likewise the future is a special case. No doubt there are many things that we can do to reduce risk, etc. But a world full of beings able to make choices eliminates any guarantees on what tomorrow may hold.

When Andrea & I were out yesterday, we went to dinner to celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary (which is today). The place we wanted to go was the place we had dinner 20 years ago on V Day. Then it was a Chinese restaurant and now it’s a pub. We opted to go to another Chinese restaurant instead.

It was during the dinner 20 years ago that Andrea and I first discussed how we felt about marriage. In remembering 20 years ago, I realized that my feelings on the subject of what marriage is (and is not) about have changed very little from what they were then. Having paid some attention to society at large, it’s safe to say that my feelings are not universal.

There are two things that our society places a great deal of emphasis on that I feel are largely inconsequential to marriage:

• a state registered marriage (marriage certificate) - depending on the jurisdiction, there may be value in one of these to the couple such as enabling adoption. Also, property ownership may automatically be transfered in the event of death of one half of the couple. In other words, signing a marriage certificate has value in the legal and judicial system. I don’t have any objection to state marriages. That’s not my point. My point is that once it’s signed, the only place a marriage certificate has any material value is in the legal & judicial system. It does not contribute to the day to day work of being a couple.
• a wedding ceremony - In saying that I am not knocking weddings. If a couple want to have a wedding and celebrate their marriage with their family & friends then that’s fantastic. But wedding ceremonies don’t make marriages. Marriage is something you do and are a part of every day. It isn’t a one time thing.

I’ve been to quite a few wedding over the years and have heard alot of variations in vows. What seems to be common among them are 3 words or actions: love, honor & cherish. The vows are about committing to doing those things on an ongoing basis. Doing those on an ongoing basis *is* what I believe is important in marriage. So, I’d like to talk about them in reverse order

• Cherish - IMO, most marriages start with this and the fact that the couple cherishes one another is the reason they have decided to get married. I look at cherishing as valuing them as a person, wanting their companionship, liking their character & personality, etc. The thing is, that the divorce rate in our society show that cherishing your spouse is in itself insufficient in creating a lasting marriage.
• Honor - I’m not quite sure what other people take this to mean. I think it means having respect for Andrea’s role as my wife and it is my responsibility to uphold her. The way I carry this out is by doing 2 things. First, I try to be a good husband, to appreciate the things she does for me, to value her opinion, and to be reasonable, caring, campassionate, thoughtful and considerate toward her. Second, I try to treat Andrea like she has been and will continue to be a good wife both when I’m around her and when I’m away from her. An example from the other side of marriage, if I have a bone to pick with I don’t deal with it at the local bar over a drink or at a buddy’s house. I talk to her about it and we work something out (which good spouses will do). I’ve never complained about her to anyone. Doing so would dishonor her. If she has a bone to pick with me, I want her to tell me about it and I want to work out something that is acceptable to both of us.
• Love - As an adult, I’ve always taken this to mean charity in the Biblical sense: being longsuffering (enduring, patient and forgiving) & kind, thinking of others, having temperance and not being selfish or self-serving. In more practical terms it means putting the other person first.

Whether or not everyone sees marriage as I’ve described, every marriage that I have admired over the years has a good dose of those qualities.

Yep, still the same. (HT: Andrea)

You Are An INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener with almost infinite patience. You have complex feelings, and you take great care to express them. In love, you see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow. You enjoy relationships when they are improving and changing. You can’t stand stagnation. At work, you stay motivated and happy… as long as you are working toward a dream you support. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher. How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful When other people don’t get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable

I waited for Andrea to write her post first.

We always called them Little Nanny and Little Grampy. There’s a story that goes with why they had those names but it’s not particularly important here. From the time Andrea & I got married, these folks always treated me like I was another one of their grandchildren. There was never any distinction and that’s just the way it was.

Last year, my birthday card and gift from Little Grampy arrived in the usual few days early. And then we realized that Andrea hadn’t received one (her birthday is a couple weeks before mine). We knew he was declining, but that made it more real. At the same time, that missed birthday card ensured that Andrea & I will always remember that he was my Grampy too. Andrea’s post describes his life long interest in technology, so until the last few years it wasn’t unusual during a visit for Grampy to spend more time with me than he did with Andrea and the kids.

One little story that I’d like to pass on is that at his 90th birthday party, someone asked Grampy what was the best thing about turning 90. He responded without missing a beat, “I don’t have to apologize anymore.” That didn’t mean that he started treating people differently. He knew that people do overlook all sorts of incidental things that elderly people do. And on turning 90, he didn’t have to worry about calling someone by the wrong name and that sort of thing.

Tomorrow is Groundhog Day. When I was growing up the folks where I lived paid attention to the weather on Feb 2. I can’t remember a winter back then that Feb 2nd did not reflect how the rest of the winter went.

In the last 10-15 years, I’ve found that it has been somewhat less reliable. (Bear in mind, that it is unusual for us to not have snow at the end of March and that the “end of winter” is relative.) Last year was a bit of an exception in that it was sunny and we did have a long way to go before the snow was gone. Tomorrow it is supposed to be warm and mixed sun and cloud.And that’s how I expect the remainder of winter to pan out. We may still have winter conditions with snow, etc., but I think the harsh part of winter is over for this year.

Let’s hope the groundhogs agree.

Yes, I know, it’s January 10th :/ Most of the blogs I read that had an end of year post managed to have it up by the end of New Year’s Day. I finally kicked myself in the pants and decided to write a post here *before* I started working on other stuff. In my defense, Andrea & I have been re-distributing our respective workloads. To that end, I have been more actively involved in writing on one of our other blogs.

2008 started out a bit mixed. In the first 3 months, I had a couple of trips to the hospital, we closed on our house in Miramichi, my brother was diagnosed with and had emergency surgery for brain tumors, and my Grandmother passed away.

In my post a year ago, I said I was looking forward to 2008. Overall, it was a much better year than 2007.

It definitely ended on a solid note because I was working at home for almost all of the last 4 months of the year. Andrea & I have had quite a few people say to one or the other of us that they couldn’t imagine working with their spouse. Oddly enough, overall Andrea & I get along much better when we are together most of the time than we do when we are working apart. What I find a bit strange about that is that it isn’t a result of us having less disagreements. Instead, it might be that of the amount of time we spend together, much less of it is spent on disagreements.

In any event, I am looking forward to 2009 and spending most of my days working, playing, learning and relaxing with my family.

Just wanted to leave you a quick note wishing you all the best over Christmas and into the New Year. Andrea and I are looking forward to a few days where the computer usage will be minimal

Last night I was reading a Letter from Kamp Krusty (HT: Carrie). The post prompted me to try to remember what was the most expensive Christmas gift I had ever bought. I didn’t think of it until today. 10 years ago, I bought Andrea our current dining room set. Except for the pellet stoves, it is probably the most expensive thing we have in our house. At the time we were doing very well financially and I paid cash for it.

My main comment on the letter from Krusty is, “well said”. Excepting the dining set above, we’ve never been heavy spenders at Christmas. Starting at age 2, we took the children out and let them pick out gifts for each other and us.

A funny example of that was when Sarah was 3 or 4 she wanted to get Mom a potato masher. Mom had broken hers a few months before and had been using a whisk to mash potatoes instead. When I had Sarah at the kitchen utensils section, I gently pointed out a potato masher. However, she grabbed a whisk which she insisted was a potato masher. Now most people I know would have corrected her, but I didn’t. What was important in Sarah giving a gift was Sarah choosing the gift. I was the person paying for it. The only part of it that was a gift from her was the choice of what to buy. A very very short explanation when the gift was opened resulted in Mom giving Sarah the biggest hug. A real potato masher was purchased in the next grocery run.

What has been the focus of gift giving on our house throughout the years has been choosing good gifts. (Our children learned the skill by choosing gifts, not by watching others choose them and not by looking at the price tag.) Not good in the sense of how much they cost or how popular they are. But in the sense of how the receiver will feel when they open it. A good gift is priceless. Good gifts require paying attention to what the person you are getting it for likes and does not like. The best gifts are rarely expensive.