No, I’m not planning on republishing a second edition of CSL’s A Grief Observed. I’m going to post a second edition to a journal post I wrote 5 years ago, on August 2nd. Time passes, things change. So, even though the underlying thought that I had then is still relevant and worth saying, I’m not sure that some of the details necessarily are.Without further introduction, here it is:

Sunday, Andrea posted that it was the fifth anniversary of her grandmother’s death.

I was raised in a society where emotional expression was frowned upon. We mustn’t let anyone in on the extent of our emotions (in this case-grief). Of all things, emotion needs an avenue of expression. In turn, it becomes necessary, to stay the course, that emotion itself becomes the undesireable thing. So, what I wanted to talk about was the belief that grief is bad.

It would be wonderful if we lived in a world where grief did not exist. The reality that we live in is that we don’t. Grief occurs when we have loved and lost. Since this world is a place where we lose people and things, the only way to eradicate grief is to never love. And that would make any world a terrible place.

It is important to recognize that grief is proportional to the love and not to the loss. In the case of this particular loss, one lost a wife, others a mother, grandmother or great-grandmother. Many lost a dear friend and still more an acquaintance. Each of these terms describe the relationship and love (however inadequately) held by each person.

A man of many sorrows is not one to be the object of pity. It would be far better to envy him. He has been blessed with many things to love.

If we undertake to silence the expression of grief, we are silencing the expression of the love rather than that of the loss. When you are visiting at the funeral home or attending the funeral the loss is clearly evident to everyone present and requires no expression at all.

Nothing frustrates love more than denying it a means of expression. Frustrated love can consume you. So, of all the emotions, grief over a lost loved one must be expressed. The necessity has been pressed upon us by the situation at hand. The opportunity to do so has a time limit. If we are capable of suppressing the expression beyond the end of the funeral services, we have passed through the time when our resistance was lowest. To deny that immediate opportunity is to risk leaving the love forever frustrated.

And, yes, there were tears. In time, many fond memories will soften the loss. But, the love will remain, because it has taken its rightful place
by expression and because it was born out of the same fond memories.

And it has.